HA! Magazine
It’s More Than A Laugh
Tiger Woods Hits Form Slump
Nov 30th
So it seems Tiger Woods has hit the rough after playing 1 hole too many Down Under!
Things went from bad to worse when his driver began to fail him too.
So where to for Tiger from here? Perhaps a break from the arduous demands of being a porting superstar?
Take a break and enjoy life for a while…but then again, if you believe the press, that’s what got him in trouble in the first place!
Hey Hey Its a Stormy Saturday
Oct 8th
Channel Nine executives are in damage control this morning following a embarrassing gaffe during the live broadcast of Hey Hey It’s Saturday’s second reunion special.
The incident occurred during the Molly Meldrum segment who made several references to the Melbourne Storm winning the NRL Grand Final the previous Sunday.
Its understood that NRL officials have delivered a scathing attack on the broadcaster who also holds the free-to-air television rights for the sport.
‘It’s not my recollection of what happened last Sunday!’ an angry NRL official told HA! Magazine late last night, ‘In fact I can’t even recall who the Eels played!’
Fortunately for the Nine Network, the embarrassing segment was cut short due to a live cross over to the Eels ‘We Deserved It More’ benefit night held at Parramatta Leagues.
Channel Nine have issued a formal apology this morning and have undertaken to replay an edited version of the 2009 NRL Grand Final every night until the kick-off of the 2010 NRL Season.
EARTH HOUR SCRAPPED
Apr 1st
The Minister for Climate Change and Water, Penny Wong, revealed today plans to scrap the Earth Hour event, despite its recent success. In its place, the Rudd Government will be resurrecting the Howard Government’s policies on Climate Change instead.
‘Climate Change is a burning issue’, advised the Minister, ‘and while Earth Hour is a great way of bringing attention to it, there is nothing like John Howard’s stance on Climate Change to leave you in the dark!’
Ex Prime Minister, John Howard, declined to comment on the matter as he couldn’t locate his paperwork.
NRL TO BAN THE TACKLE
Mar 28th
The NRL today, moved to address the spate of injuries emerging from the opening rounds of its Centenary season, by announcing that they will be banning the tackle.
‘Our players are our most valuable asset’ explained David Gallop, NRL CEO in an exclusive interview with the HA!lf Time Report, ‘We have a duty to protect them and if it means banning tackling to do so, then we ban the tackle!’
The HA!lf Time Report understands that the radical proposal, which was tabled at last night’s NRL board meeting, will be require players to continuously kick the ball along the ground without handling it at any stage. A team will score points once the ball successfully passes anywhere between the goal posts and below the crossbar.
Other initiatives rumoured to be investigated by the NRL include; reducing the number of players on the field by 2 per side, restricting the movement of the fullback who will become the only player allowed to handle the ball and an overhaul of the offside rule.
‘Yes, it is a radical plan’ agreed Gallop, ‘but we need to remain competitive among the various football codes if we are to survive for another 100 years.’
SOUTHS NAB NEW SPONSOR
Mar 19th
The South Sydney Rabbitohs announced today the National Australia Bank as their new sponsor for the 2008 season. Under the arrangement, the NAB will inject an undisclosed amount into the Club and in return, receive the right to introduce a range of fees payable by all South Sydney fans.
The fees will include, an additional $10 processing fee on ticket prices, a $20 dishonour fee for failing to attend home games and a $50 fee for attending away games.
A spokesman for the club said, ‘The NAB deal speaks volumes for the direction the Club is taking and affords an opportunity to be screwed by someone other than the NRL for a change’.
SHOOTINGS LEAVE NRL IN TURMOIL
Mar 17th
The NRL’s official launch of their centenary celebrations ended in disaster yesterday when a 21-gun salute caused panic amongst leading players sending them scurrying for cover.
In club news, the Parramatta Eels have been thrown into turmoil with several players threatening to quit after the club after it revealed Target Australia as it’s new shirt sponsor.
TESTING TIMES
Jul 4th
My SQL has ruined my PHP which has caused the CSS to interrupt the AJAX!
Who said web design was easy? Obviously someone who has never tried it.
HA! Magazine is undergoing a some what of a transformation. For starters we are shedding the paper based version and traveling solely online. Over the next few weeks you will see this site undergo some major changes as we try and find the right balance whilst learning what web development is all about.
Feel free to visit from time to time and let us know what you think. You can send us a comment using the links below this article or alternatively, simply email us at info@hamagazine.com.au
We look forward to hearing from you.
The HA! Team
DIAL ‘1′ FOR DELETE
Jun 27th
I recently purchased an external hard drive to back up the whatever comes after ‘giga’ bytes of data that HA! Magazine has generated over the last 9 months. You guessed it; the data that I lost when my laptop’s hard disk crashed. Shaped like a metallic brick, this ‘vital part of any new business’ was meant also help me sleep at night despite the constant buzzing noise it emits.
For a while there it performed its duties admirably even prompting me to keep feeding it data whenever it felt hungry. Somehow I managed to back up 200GB of data in 2 months including the accompanying software needed to run on the PC. Not a bad feat given the hard disk I was backing up was only 100GB.
But as is common during the festive season, it ate something it didn’t agree with and a few days into the New Year it stopped giving me access to my files. ‘No need to worry.’ I thought as the PC promptly ran a diagnostic test, unsurprisingly detecting a problem and issuing me with a 9 digit ‘Diagnostic Code’ and a web address to submit it to for a speedy resolution to my problem.
LIFE 2.0 – UNPLUGGED
Jun 23rd
One bleak evening in late March of this year, my hard disk decided to dislodge a microscopic grain, which miraculously materialised in its airtight, impregnable, stainless steel casing. The grain in turn wreaked havoc on all my documents, spreadsheets, emails, photos, music, movies rendering me an entertainment and information cripple.
The upshot of this unfortunate incident was that I was left without access to computer for nearly 2 months as I waited for data recovery experts to marvel at how the microscopic grain made it into the hard disk in the first place.
‘A modern day miracle’, ‘In all my years…’, ‘It’s unbelievable’ and ‘Oh, by the way…you’re screwed!’ were just some of the comments the global team of technicians assigned to my case offered me in sympathy.
But it wasn’t all bad news because if it wasn’t for this unfortunate incident I would never have discovered that my external back-up drive had also been experiencing miraculous manifestations since Christmas last year.
After a minor bout of disorientation, I slowly rediscovered life prior to the mid 90s – the Unplugged version…